Down 9 pounds!

Lab fees, school pictures, lunch money, swim meets, parent meetings, new work routines : I feel like I am being swept away right down the drain. I have no control. Only the desire to get my feet down stream and watch for bumps, push off rocks as I float by.  Is there a current in this chaos?  I am really glad there is only one child left at home to get started in school.

Ok, that is pretty drastic.  But the business of  this week has caught me unprepared to actually breath.

If you read my last post you know that I have partnered with a personal trainer. More of a life coach.  This is my sanity, my downstream current.  When I started with him, I did not know what to expect.  My life was truly circling the drain.  I had let my emotions, my frustrations with Husband being gone all summer get the best of me.  I was making it his fault I was an emotional, chocolate eating mess.  Letting the excuse of having to stay home and take care of Toni, (she is 17 years old and though disabled, can be left alone for an hour while I go for a run,) be my excuse for being lazy. I will direct you to my last post.  No more excuses!

This is week 7 of being mentored by said personal trainer.   Weeks of pools of sweat that could easily be tears.  Tears of frustration (and very sore muscles) turning into tears of victory. I am starting to believe that under my defeated body there is a strong, confident, fierce person.

I am two and a half weeks into learning how to eat "CLEAN".  How to balance proteins, carbohydrates, fruits and vegetables.  I am still very much eating of the written plan given to me, staying strong.  Two and a half weeks and I am down nine pounds!  Personal Trainer says to not focus on the weight loss but on the over all big picture of workouts combined with good nutrition.   Reality Check Here!  Down NINE pounds.  Weighing in lighter than I have been in years! I had to weigh myself three times, just to see if the scale was working properly.

I love this structure to my life.  A well thought out plan for when, and what I am eating, coupled with intentional workouts.  I am starting to fall into the current of  being healthy, physically fit and happy.

 It is the weekends when all are home that I struggle.  Husband's normal is to eat out.  "Let's go get lunch, dinner, lunch, maybe breakfast."  He is getting frustrated at my resistance to eat like I did  three weeks ago.  He struggles with my ordering salad or lettuce wraps.  Today, I did not share popcorn at the movie theatre!  WHAT?   Food is an activity we share.  Until we find something else, like go for a walk or paddle a lake,  or ski,  this CLEAN EATING going to be uncomfortable, and hard on both of us.

When I started this fitness journey, I did not really know what  to expect of myself.  What my goals were.  I gave some pretty lame goals.  Survive ski season, loose weight /feel great, etc.  I need to find my file, make a few amendments.  Something has changed in my heart.  I desire a fierceness I have never felt before.  I want to tackle life like it is a training session in the gym.  I want to walk across the parking lot at Wal Mart and feel the strength in my legs.  I want people to see me as strong both physically and mentally. I want to be able to take a picture of myself and not be ashamed of that fat, tired, lady in the photo.  I want life abundant.

The ski race in Yellowstone this spring, it will happen.  I will be there.  I will be fierce!

The excited current for the new me begging to come out, it's finding its direction.  I like it.

My niece and I in the current of the Main Salmon August 2017
This kind of current is easy to navigate.  Life's current no so easy.