I called my mother today to check in, say hello, and to tell her I was sending her important things in the mail. Within two minutes of hello she had asked me about my weight. If had lost any, if I was skinny yet. This time I was ready. I could answer, " Yes, I have lost weight." I know, I was digging for a compliment. What I got was, "You are getting there."
What the heck, Mom!..
Last time I checked I was an adult. I am almost 55 years old and her comments still really hurt. Why do I need her approval? Why is this emotional dragon still in my closet? Who has the key to let him out? Obviously my mother does.
Emotional scars from being over weight all my life. They follow me. They build huge brick walls that keep me safe from the outside world. Scars whisper excuses into my brain. Scars turn me toward baggy clothes. Clothes that hide the bubbly awesome person inside me. Scars of my father never telling me I was beautiful. He called me fat, he took food off of my plate at dinner and gave it to my brother. Scars of my mother (to this day) asking me if I have lost any weight. Not hello, how are you but, what do you weigh? That dragon living in my closet he tears at my heart every day.
For the last 13 weeks, I have been coached by Matt Hartsky at Transform 307. He does not know it but he has helped me slay a few dragons. He creates workouts, directs nutrition and tells me I am stronger than I give myself credit for. I have gained strength, fitness and lost 28 pounds. Most important I am gaining self confidence.
Yes, Mom, I am getting there. I am becoming my own person.
I bought some new clothes the other day. Smaller in size than what I would normally buy. My weight loss has a side effect. Clothes are getting baggy. Not just baggy but too big. (I have never had the too big problem in my life!)
Yesterday the delivery came. Four new items. I opened the box pulled them out and froze like a deer in the headlights of an oncoming truck. They all looked to small. I laid them all out on the kitchen table. Did four laps around the table looking at them from all sorts of angles. Finally I decided to try them on. Maybe, in the security of my own home, with nobody watching, I could pretend they fit.
I have not been so nervous since that first workout at Transform307 in July. Trying on those four items, one whole size smaller than my old size was petrifying. "Please, God let these fit!" I can't return them they were on ultra sale.
And guess what! They do!!!! I am that small after all!
By all means, what size I wear does not define who I am. I was beautiful before Transform307. I am the same person now in my heart. That said, life is easier being smaller and stronger. Movement is easier. Daily struggles are easier. (Workouts at the gym are harder!)
Brick walls are being torn down. There is no room for excuses in my life. No room for those pesky emotional dragons. I like who I am, who I am becoming.
I have just slayed one dragon in my closet. He has been there since I was a young. I am sure he has a few ugly brothers I have yet to deal with.
I have come to the realization that I am beautiful! I am strong. I am getting healthy. Just like that dreaded step up bench at the gym, I have conquered. I am ready for more. I am taking the fight to the gym, to life.
Get out of my way! I have more work to do.
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| September 2018 (-15 pounds) |
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| August 2018 It was this picture that made me decide to find help with my weight/fitness. |
The transformation is starting to be visibly noticeable!
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| October 16, 2018 (-28 pounds) |
More info about Transform 307 go to www.transform307.com
