Finishing Last

     With this fall season there has been many transitions at our house.  I get inquiries about all three of the kids alot.  I say that the big kids are not kids anymore but, young adults making decisions, sometimes hard ones, for their lives. That they are growing into great people.  I say that Toni is going to the JR High,  in 6th grade. She is running Cross Cross Country with the team.  Having a great time......
     It is this statement that drops jaws.  This fact that she is running distances of 3-4 miles in a practice and a mile plus in meets.  That she can do it.  Why?  Because She has Down Syndrome.  Because she had 2 surgeries on her heart and arteries.  Because as a baby she was really sick.. Because most kids her age would rather play video games than run.  Because Cross Country Running is hard. ( Ask a football player.)
     To be honest she is not fast.  She is always in last place, she gets lapped by the fast runners. By the consent of race organizers, at all the she has been at, her personal race course is shortened so that she finishes with the group. 
     I sort of feel sorry for the gals she is finishing with.  The crowd usually is going crazy for Toni, or pointing, or standing awestruck.  It is not because she is competing, not because she has Downs, but because as she comes down the shoot to the finish line, celebrating with hands up collecting high fives and fist bumps from the crowd.  Celebrating her run!
     When she finds her teammates she congratulates them, they celebrate her run with her. Fist bumps and hugs all around. As it should be from supportive teams all over. Then it is off to cheer for the rest of the runners.  Sometimes I cry just a bit at the beauty of this team. Coaches you should be really proud.
     I read somewhere that the best compliment we can give our children is to be at activities of theirs,  not to to criticize technique or to push them to be faster, but to be there to enjoy watching them do what they do.  And to tell them so. I love watching Toni run.  I love watching her finish last.  I love the joy she gets doing it.  I love the joy she brings to others.  I will be just as crazy for last place as I would if she were in first.  So proud!

   Sorry M and M I did not understand this when you were competing.  I will try to embarrass Toni as much as I can just for consistency.



    

The River wakes me up

 Found June 29, 2013 in my prayer journal...

THE RIVER




Geese on the banks of the Stillwater River

East Rosebud River on the Black Butte Ranch

How do I describe adequately the flow of the water over glistening rocks, the wonder of a family of geese or ducks hiding in the grass along the bank, or the Killdeer standing in the water searching out lunch of juicy bugs.  How do I explain my amazement when watching the beaver work on it's dam or the new born fawn splashing in the shallows to cool off in the afternoon heat.  It is the light focused just right in that perfect moment to highlight that single strand of spider web hanging from a willow branch, sailing out over the water.  It is the rhythm of the rapids, the roar of the water splashing back on itself, the movement of the water through the highs and lows of the rapid.  It is knowing that the same water will never flow across that rapid again, it is always renewing, always being born again. The river is to be experienced, to be lived in, at that exact moment of floating by, I have only to open my eyes and my heart.





East Rosebud River

Happy Birthday Toni

Today, January 27, 2013 is Toni's  birthday!  Just thought I would clear that up as we have been celebrating since this past Friday.  Well it is official today she is 12! 

I guess I celebrate (sort of without her permission) because when she was born it was not the peaceful joyous occasion depicted on TV.  Her birth was full of  doctors wondering, older siblings being sick and the not so distant  but always in the for ground death of my father. Her birth was full of tears, of having a very sick child, of   the flight for life airplane ride, the stay and all the emotions of being a Children's Hospital. Most devistating the medical staff of Children's Hospital telling me to expect nothing from her and that I would be her care taker the rest of her "disabled" life. Being sent home with a child not any better health wise and in my sleep deprived, worry filled reality, very little hope for a future. (We can talk about my pride and all that stuff later.)

Fast forward 12 years ...Doctors at Children, Hospital you were so wrong!  I have never met another person who celebrates her life so well.  Not just on her birthday, but every day.  It is the joy of walking in the woods,  or of a great 2 foot landing after jumping out of a swing.  It's the joy of playing with cousins and best friends.  It is the quiet contentment of cuddling with her dogs. It is the joy of sharing jumping into puddles after an evening rainstorm, with Aunt Marci. Seeing the delight on Toni's face for the find of the perfect puddle, perfect light, the perfect partner to experience it: that is the definition of love for life.

Maybe having Down Syndrome is a blessing in disguise. Toni lives in the moment.  There is no anticipation for the future, no dread of a hard test or disappointments, no what ifs.  The past is the past. No regrets no anguish over blunders.  Fresh starts are every moment, with new adventures to be enjoyed. Maybe I should take lessons from her playbook and be more like her.

Any way Happy Birthday to Toni!  I  celebrate with you!